El-Hazard the Random Lunacy X-mas special
by Emperor Nescaro
Summary: It's chirstmas in El-Hazard, it's gonne be some night.I'm not really sure if the rating fits this one, just some talk near the end.
1. Default Chapter

El Hazard the Random Lunacy special episode:  
How Jinnai stole Christmas (With apologies to the original owners)  
  
  
Everyone Roshtaria liked Christmas a lot. But Jinnai who lived with the bugrom hold did not. Jinnai hated Christmas, that mean goofy guy, but please don't ask no one's sure just why. Maybe his sister thwacked him to hard in a fight, maybe it was the fact that his tie was too tight. Ask Nanami and she'd likely exclaim "There's something wrong with the little jerks brain!" Jinnai sat on his bed with a huge frown as he though of the stuff that was soon to go down, for it was Christmas eve. Jinnai couldn't belive what he'd have to listen do. Right now things were quite though it seems absurd to most people who've heard of what things are like up there. Nanami was settled all snug in her bed while visions of Makoto danced in her head, Shayla Shayla was spralled on a couch with out care drinking cheap whiskey with her legs in the air, the Fujisawa's weren't sleeping much truth be told. The reason? I'm not really that bold... Most everyone one else was sleeping very soundly as Jinnai sat and brooded sourly. For the next day would have to contend with Christmas cheer that he always wishes would end. The singing, the presents and all the noise noise noise! Then the whole thing ended with a thunderous slam as they all got gas from Nanami's roast spam.  
"Roast spam!" roared Jinnai, "Oh damn! Roast spam is a feast I can't stand in the least." He got off his bed and paced while turning the whole thing over in his head. "I can't take another year of this I fear. I must stop this Christmas from coming but how?" Then Jinnai got an idea. Jinnai got a wonderful evil idea that would turn the Christmas crap around on it's ear. "Oh course! I should have though of this before." Then came the laugh that could tear down a door. Jinnai quickly went to work, though frankly he looked like a jerk as he made himself a new red suit with a white tie, making both with a lot of dye. Cackled Jinnai "This disguise has no flaws! When I wear it no one will know I'm not Santa Clause. But I need a reindeer..." Jinnai looked around but in El Hazard there were none to be found. That didn't stop Jinnai no his plan was neata, he called his dumb demon god named Ifurita. With a flick of the wrist and a lot of red tread Jinnai attached a fake horn to her empty head. Jinnai thought a moment then said "Oh why not, it'll look better with more then one, besides there's just more in on the fun." He turned to Groucho his bugrom friend who was snoring away at the room's far end. After waking him up Jinnai quickly did the same thing again, cause much confusion to his buggy friend who soon shrugged it off. With his reindeer selected Jinnai said "Okay now let's get to work on the sleigh" They took a bugrom airship and attached some huge skies. Where did those come from...Don't ask me that please. So Jinnai attached the two and he gave them hell "Let's get going guys don't just stand there and smell!" They flew to Roshtari lickity split, and when the got there Jinnai he did spit. "Will you look at this crap it does make me sick."  
"What're we doing again?" asked Ifurita the amazingly thick.  
"What we're doing," Said Jinnai as he got to his feet, "is shutting out Christmas my slightly dumb sweet."  
"Why would we do that? Won't people be sad?"  
"Some might but I know I'll be very glad."  
"Well I guess that's okay." Said the clueless one.  
"Great, now to start the fun." And with that the set out doing their work, as everything chirstmasy got the clean and jerk. With a giant vacuum, a blowtorch, Ifurita's broom, a large bag , and such every decoration they soon did clutch. "Okay," said Jinnai, "That's stage one complete. Let's gather the presents and then we'll beat feet." And so they did, they stole every present, package and gift, then they made their escape the flight was quite swift. The went back to the bugrom lands and then decided what to do with the haul on their hands. "Let's just burn it all what the heck, looking at that pile's giving me a stiff neck." so that's what they did they set a damn big fire, burning out it all on a makeshift pier. Then Jinnai cackled, "Let's go back, we'll watch them all cry from this Christmas attack." And so the three villains went back the next morning but what they saw shocked Jinnai without warning. For all around Roshatria, things hadn't changed. They hadn't stopped Christmas from coming it seemed in fact it was worse then Jinnai had dreamed. "What the hell's this?" Jinnai did exclaim.  
"Don't ask me," said Ifurita, "It's hurting my brain." Then from the palace there came a great shout  
"You lose you damn jerk we found you out." The voice was Nanami's she shouted with glee, "Roshtaria's Christmas is safe thanks to me. You pulled this trick every year back home you stupid queer."  
"Stupid queer?!" Roared Jinnai with exceptional venom, "Just cause no one ever writes me in a lemon is no reason to think," he grew red as a beet, "that I'd ever want some damn meat in my...." Ifurita at that moment shuffled her feet  
"Ummm master that's confusing me I must confess why don't we go home we're done here more or less."  
"Oh well what the hell your right this one time. Let's get out of here and think up a new crime." And Jinnai flipped them off as he rose out of sight, "Screw you and screw you and to all a good night" 


	2. 

An El Hazard Christmas carol (with apologies to Tom Lehr)  
[Scene: A stage with a piano in the center. Jinnai come on and starts playing the others filing in behind him]  
Jinnai: [singing] Christmas time is here by golly disapproval would be folly deck the halls with hunks of holly fill the cup and don't say when.  
Diva and Ifurita: Kill the turkeys ducks and chickens trim the tree drag out the Dickens even though the prospect sickens brother here we go again.  
Nanami: At Christmas time you can't get sore your fellow man you must adore, there's time to rob him all the more the other three hundred and sixty four  
Makoto: Relations sparing no expense'll send some useless old utensil or a matching pen and pencil just the thing I need how nice.....  
Miz: No matter what you send I fear it's true also of what the give you, sentiment will not endear it what's important is the price.  
All: Hark the herald ad man sings advertising wonderous things.  
Nanami: God rest ye merry merchant may ye make the yuletime pay.  
Alliell: Angles we have heard on high tell us to go out and buy.  
Jinnai: Misletoe hangs from the shingle hail our dear old friend Chris Kringle driving his reindeer across the sky....Don't stand underneath when they fly by. 


End file.
